Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month but it's also a time for Remembrance of Ectopic Pregnancies. Even though Ectopic Pregnancy loss does have its own Remembrance Day, over the past few years I have found myself reflecting on these losses today. An Ectopic is a pregnancy in which a fertilized egg implants outside the uterus, it is a life-threatening condition. It's also the leading cause of death in early pregnancy. Ectopics effect 1 on 80 pregnancies. Every woman who has suffered a loss has a story, this is mine.
I suppose I should start with our first loss. It was July of 2012. We had recently moved to Minnesota from Chicago. Our oldest, Samara, was 1 and a half. It was our first OB appointment. During the ultrasound we saw the baby right away but after a few moments our U/S tech apologized and said she couldn't find a heartbeat. Our brand new doctor said the baby was 8 weeks old but was gone 4 days prior. I couldn't help but think about what was happening 4 days ago. I agonized over all my possible signs. Eventually that empty feeling would fade 5 months later when we got pregnant with our daughter, Helena.
My Ectopic journey began in Michigan in November of 2014. I had classic signs of an Ectopic and possibly should have gone to the ER but waited for my appointment to see my doctor the next day. I had spotting and was doubled over in sharp abdominal pain. My doctor confirmed an ectopic in my right tube. Due to my pain she sent me to the ER for emergency surgery. By the time I saw the on call doctor my pain subsided so she didn't want to do surgery if it wasn't needed. Instead we would go the medicine route. This was my first experience with Methotrexate. It was explained to me that it essentially acts like a shot of chemo. It attacks unhealthy cells in the body and will hopefully stop the growth of the fetus and the cells would absorb back into my body. After Methotrexate blood work is done every few days to make sure your pregnancy hormone levels (HCG) are declining. Common side effects of methotrexate can include; nausea or vomiting, stomach pain or upset, diarrhea, hair loss, tiredness, dizziness, chills, headache, sores in your lungs, mouth or skin, bronchitis, fever, bruising more easily, increased risk of infection, sun sensitivity, rash, stuffy or runny nose and sore throat, abnormal results on liver function tests (may indicate liver damage = no drinking), and low blood cell levels.
After 6 long months I was finally done. It was over and we could move on and try again.
That brings us to Texas! In November of 2015 we found out we are pregnant. Due to my previous ectopic it's super important to get tested early because once you have an ectopic your risk of having another is increased. We started blood work right away and sure enough there was a cause for concern. At first my blood work was a little lower than what they preferred. It was all a mystery at that point, it could have been a miscarriage or ectopic. I had an U/S that was unclear. The doctor was afraid of another ectopic that could lead to a possible ruptured tube. So the plan was to do Laparoscopic Surgery as soon as possible. After surgery the doctor said no pregnancy was found. My tubes were clear. What was seen on the U/S could have just been a cyst. Soon after my labs skyrocketed. So the plot thickened and I was scheduled for an MRI. After googling my symptoms I started freaking out thinking I could have cervical cancer. Never Google your symptoms! My MRI confirmed an ectopic attached to my cervix. My doctor advised surgery and referred me to a specialist for a second opinion. After meeting with the specialist she confirmed the MRI and explained how dangerous this was. She explained with the location being on the outside of my uterus surgery could be risky and possibly cause damage to my uterus. The safest thing to do is go the Methotrexate route. My doctor said if the Methotrexate didn't work I would be referred to an Oncologist who specializes in cancer treatments due to the trickiness of the surgery. Luckily after 2 rounds of Methotrexate I was back to non pregnancy levels in February of 2016.
Fast forward to October 2016 with a positive pregnancy test and a brand new doctor! I wasn't completely confident with the way things went last time so went with my gut and found a new practice. This time it was a missed miscarriage. It ended as soon as it started. I was just grateful it wasn't another ectopic!
In February 2017 it seemed my luck had run out. We got another positive pregnancy test but an early scan showed the pregnancy in my C-section scar. My doctor opted for a second opinion to be certain. Oddly enough I was sent to the same specialist I had seen previously. She confirmed the scan and we talked about previous history. She recalled my prior case and was shocked that this kept happening to me. Her recommendation was Methotrexate. In July my HCG levels were still lingering. An ultrasound showed the sac still there and slightly bigger in size filled with fluid. I was snuck in to see my doctor and she didn't sound confident in my options. I was asked what my thoughts on my fertility were. My options were to either have Laparoscopic Surgery to remove the fluid, which she wasn't positive this could be done successfully, or I could have a hysterectomy. At that point I begged for another round of Methotrexate. She was willing to do that since everything on the scan looked stable. She wasn't afraid of rupture. But she also wasn't certain Methotrexate would work either. That was a lot to take in! She decided to consult with another doctor in the office. When she returned she was very happy and said this other doctor is positive he can take care of it Laparoscopically. I wasn't so sure, I was still wrapping my head around being 36 and needing a hysterectomy. I started feeling a little more confident that evening when Dr Garza called me just to touch base about surgery. He assured me he had done this before and was confident he could help me. He explained the surgery and recovery time and would see me at my pre-op appointment. He was so great! He even drew pictures of the procedure to help me understand everything he would do. The surgery went perfectly as planned! Recovery from this was rough. It made having a C-section seem like a cake walk. But in the end I was whole and had officially cheated death 3 times!
After this long journey it was frightening trying again. After almost 6 months of trying, I talked to my doctor and she suggested a fertility specialist. After everything I didn't have it in me to go through that process. So I started making peace with my journey. I have 2 wonderful healthy girls. I looked forward to what the next year could bring career wise with both girls in school full time. I was optimistic. So at the advice people typically give when one has baby fever, we did what any normal couple would do when facing fertility issues, we adopted a puppy! Only to find out on the same day of signing adoption paperwork I was pregnant. So here we are, our party of five. Most days I still can't believe it!
Samara - November 2010
Helena - September 2013
MC - July 2012 & October 2016
Ectopic - November 2014, November 2015 & February 2017
Noah - March 2019
📷: Luminous Light Studio
